Language transition and adoption.

When we decided to adopt older children we had others question how we would communicate with our children.  Some were just curious and in others fear came shining through as they wondered how we would be able to understand each other, know what they.  Quite frankly we wondered that too.  They were not asking anything we had not already asked ourselves.  To be honest with you we started this journey asking for an infant girl and one of those little reasons we desired an infant in the beginning was because we wouldn’t have to worry about learning a new language among many other things.  But God changed our hearts and those worries we had, while still there melted into the background.  By the time He had moved our hearts toward older children we had seen Him bring in thousands of dollars that we previously did not know where it would be coming from.  If He could help us financially surely He could help us with the day to day life situations like language transition.  Once the decision was made to adopt older children we looked for resources on our children’s native language. We tried to create a list of words that we knew might be comforting to them, help us get them to the bathroom, let them know food was coming or that it would be okay if they were scared.  I would say we were as prepared as we could have been.

Can I just stop and say it was hard!  Let’s admit it.  Put two people in a room who don’t understand each other, make one rely on the other for all their needs, give them a bunch of things to do that they have never done before and there will be resistance.  With that said, the God I serve is BIG and with His help we made it – you can make it too if you are contemplating older children but worry about communicating with them.

Here are a few questions /thoughts for you to think about if you are contemplating older children who will be learning a second language:

1. Does your school system have an ESL (English as second language) program to assist your child?  By the way – schools are mandated by federal law to assist families and children with special needs and ESL qualifies as a special need.
2. Do you know others who speak your child’s native language and can help you communicate if need be?  If not, maybe your local college has a program in their foreign language studies with a student who might be available to you?
3. Find simple resources to help you such as Simple Language for Adoptive Parents by Amy Kendall. It comes in a variety of languages and has a CD included for you to hear how words are pronounced.
4. Learn about the stages of learning a second language.  You can find out more about these stages by going to my blog A Blissful Heart where I have posted on each individual stage, their characteristics and what you can do to help your child.

From personal experience what I can tell you this… just as you teach a toddler to talk so do you teach an older child to talk.  Read books, describe what you are doing, name objects, etc.  You will be surprised at how quickly they pick it up.   You should also be prepared for temper tantrums and meltdowns at first.  This is very normal.  When children can’t communicate they get frustrated and their actions will show it.  Many families ahead of us told us to just hang on until about 4 or 5 months home and the tantrums would stop.  What I discovered was at almost the exact same time the tantrums stopped our family was able to communicate!

So why would I share our fears regarding the language barrier?  I truly believe others share that same fear.  The transition of language has helped create a bond between us.  We didn’t get the chance to give bottles, change diapers, and snuggle with them as an infant but the journey of learning a new language together has given us some of what parents with small children get to experience.  When our kids mess up a word we get the chance to giggle together and be playful with each other.  When they learn a new word that is exciting to them I get the joy of seeing their face light up and learn something new about who they are.  What was once a scary thing for us has become a sweet reward in our obedience of following what God has for us.

Feel free to leave comments on how you have worked through the language transition with older children or leave your questions and I will work with Kari to try and help answer them!

When I was about 8 years old, I received my first camera. It was a little red point-and-shoot canon (and yes, it used film…no digital back then). I LOVED it. I took tons of pictures, and they were all insanely boring to look at. They were pictures of my stuffed animals, pictures of grass, pictures of the wood on our deck outside….you know, the pulitzer prize kind of stuff.

My Norwegian grandfather (we called him Bestefar) always said that it wasn’t the equipment that made a good photograph, but the person behind the camera. Now don’t get me wrong. Some good equipment can certainly help make a good picture great, but if the person taking the picture has no idea what makes a good picture, that pricey equipment is not going to matter. I’ve seen plenty of awful pictures taken with $5000 cameras. Yup….some of them are just as bad as those pictures I took of my Cabbage Patch Kids with a $40 camera, when I was 8 years old.

I’m 32 now. My husband and I own a wonderful photography business, and we get to capture some pretty amazing moments with our cameras. The bulk of our business comes from weddings, but we also do family, baby, and senior shoots. Ultimately, though, what we really love to do, is to capture moments that happen outside of our own culture. We long to bring awareness of the world that goes beyond the borders of the United States. Many readers of this blog have some connection to international adoption. So, more often then not, you will see pictures from places like Ethiopia, Haiti, China, and Russia (just to name a few). These pictures capture our hearts. I cry pretty much every time I see pictures from a child’s Gotcha Day. I think most of us are moved by these images. We all know the old adage, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” There couldn’t be anything more true. When we see a mother meeting her daughter for the first time, the image of that embrace is burned in our memories. It is meaningful. It is powerful.

So, today I thought I’d share a few basic tips for those of you who may not know much about photography, but would like to be able to capture the beauty of a moment within the confines of a single photograph.

Tip #1 – Don’t be afraid to take a LOT of pictures.
Back in the day, we had to conserve our picture taking, because we had to consider how much film we had left. But with the great digital era of photography, we can often take several hundred shots without ever having to change a card. And even then, we can download them right on to our computer and take several hundred more on that very same card.

Tip #2 – Don’t be afraid to go off-center.
For many beginners, it is a natural inclination to make sure their subject is in the center of the picture. This isn’t always bad, but sometimes, the background can tell a greater story about the subject. We went to Haiti back in April, and everywhere we looked we saw piles of rubble. If we had just taken pictures of the people without including the background, you may never have known how devastating this earthquake was to the people and land of Haiti. As you can see, the people and the building in this image go hand in hand. Oddly enough, life seems to carry on as usual, despite the vast destruction that this earthquake caused, as is made evident by the couple walking down the sidewalk.

Tip #3 – Get up close and personal.
Sometimes, just the beauty of someone’s eyes is powerful enough to capture our hearts. Don’t be afraid to get close. Sometimes too much background information can be distracting, or our subject can get lost in it. I look at this little girl’s eyes and I see so much beauty behind them. There were probably 2 feet between her and I. You can see the curiosity in her eyes, and the slight smile that is beginning to form behind that little hand. I love it.

Tip #4 – Lighting. Lighting. Lighting. The sun is NOT your friend.
I can’t tell you how many times a good picture can be ruined by too much sunlight. The best times to take pictures are usually right after sunrise, or an hour or two before sunset. The sun is much less harsh at this time of day, and you avoid raccoon eyes (deep and dark shadows around the eyes that come as a result of midday sun). You may ask, “What if I can’t take the pictures at that time of day?” Well, that’s a good question. If you’re really lucky, you’ll have an overcast sky, and the sun won’t be as big of an issue. You’re best bet, though, is to look for a shady area. Shade and clouds are a photographer’s friends! And if all else fails, and there is no avoiding that harsh sun, take the picture. Better to document a moment in time, than to not document it at all because conditions aren’t perfect.

Tip #5 – Think Outside of the Box.

Sometimes we are in situations where we may have to think outside of the box. This past December I traveled to Costa Rica to work with an organization that ministers to the prostitutes that work on the border of Costa Rica and Nicaragua. We held a big party for them, and just tried to shower them with love. Many of these women who work in prostitution have children of their own. Many of them brought their children to the party we had. And while I captured a few shots of those children’s beautiful faces, this is one of my favorite shots. You may not be able to see their faces, but those little legs speak so much to me in conjunction with the story that is unfolding in this part of the world. These are living and breathing children. They are more than statistics. They have real needs and desires. They exist, and those little legs prove it.

Tip #6 – Awareness vs. Exploitation. Think before you shoot.

This is something I have always struggled with, especially when traveling to third world nations. As a middle-class American, when I travel to a place like Calcutta, India or Port Au Prince, Haiti, the poverty is shocking and a bit overwhelming. I have seen people lying sick on the sides of roads, people begging for food, and malnourished children walking around aimlessly in the streets with no parents in sight. It is tempting at times to take pictures of all these things, because it is so different from what we know. But before you click the shutter, think about why you are taking this picture. Are you taking it because you want to make people more aware of a world in need? Or are you taking it for your own personal gain (perhaps for shock value for the people back home)? There is a very fine line here, and it is important to be full of integrity when taking these pictures. Pray about what you should capture with that camera. If it is obvious that the person you are taking a picture of is uncomfortable with it, than that is probably one of those times you should put the camera away.

So as you walk through life, whether you have the simplest point-and-shoot camera, or the fanciest digital SLR, remember that photography is an amazing tool to bring attention to the world around us. We can tell stories with the click of a button….with one single image. We can freeze moments in time that we will never get back again. So, remember to have fun, and shoot away.

Nina

http://www.ninamullinsphotography.com

http://ninamphotographyblog.com

http://whenwebelong.blogspot.com

Dressing a Toddler

Round 1

1. Pick up toddler (all 30lbs) take into their room
2. Set down toddler (too heavy) to pick out their clothes
3. Turn around to see toddler running out of the room

Toddler – 1 and Parent – 0

Round 2

• 1. Pick up toddler and  discuss that they need to stay in their room
  2. Close door (lesson learned from Round 1)
  3. Put down toddler to gather up the clothes
  4. Grab toddler from a mid-run around the room
  5. Holding sleeves pull shirt over head as toddler twirls around blindly.
  6. Pull pants down as toddler runs off, tripping, because toddler’s feet are still in the legs.
  7. Pajamas off (Parent – 1)
  8. Grab diaper as toddler scrambles away
  9. Watch in horror as naked toddler runs away to squat in the corner for a pee

Toddler – 2 and Parent – 1
Round 3

• 1. Put diaper on toddler
  2. Run out of the room to get something to clean the carpet
  3. Return to a toddler somewhere hidden in a pile of clothes (that you don’t remember taking out)
  4. Put toddler in crib (lesson learned again)
  5. Clean up clothes
  6. Clean carpet
  7. Return to dress toddler

Toddler – 3 and Parent – 1
Round 4 (Final round)

• 1. Take toddler from bed
  2. Wrestle screaming, wiggling toddler to the floor, sit on them (another lesson learned)
  3. Put pants on kicking toddler legs
  4. Scream in pain, as you take a blow to the eye
  5. Partially blinded, pull toddler to standing. While holding toddler in a bear hug, put shirt over head
  6. Don’t pull arms through until almost finished (avoiding another blow)
  7. Reach hand down the arm of the smallest sleeve in history, pull toddler hand through
  8. Reach down second sleeve, avoiding pinches from the now free hand, to pull other hand
  9. Realizing that you haven’t finished pulling the toddler’s head through, watch as toddler now wanders around the room bumping into things (Parent – 1)
  10. Chase down blindly running toddler to finish the job
  11. Realize that the shirt is on inside-out, pants are on backwards and you can’t find shoes
  12. Tumble to heap on the floor, nursing your black eye
  13. Toddler runs over to snuggle up and fall asleep with you on the floor

Final Score – Toddler – 3 and Parent – 2 (plus 1 for bonus in final round)
Elapsed time 3 hours , 15 minutes – Missed doctor appointment by 2 hours – Parent still in pajamas

By Shannon Henrici, writes for a new online baby clothes boutique.  She is also a mother of a 19 month old little girl.  My Baby Clothes Boutique carries a variety of the highest quality baby headbands, baby hats, and baby clothes for every unique baby.

The Red Thread (adoptive mom, Karen Firstbrook)

When you begin the adoption process from China, you are immediately immersed in adoption “lingo.” Words and acronyms like DTC, Dossier, red thread, LID and ladybugs are suddenly everywhere. Our family slowly became versed in all of the adoption lingo, and eventually the words took on personal meaning with our own adoption journey. Perhaps many of you are also well versed on those words, but for some the red thread concept might be new to you.

Let me explain . . .

On many China adoption related websites you will see the Chinese proverb:

“An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.”

Many families hang on to this thought, finding comfort that they will eventually reach the child “destined” for them. Sure, it’s a nice thought, but we were confident from the start that God knew who our Katie was and He would wisely, providentially and perfectly bring us together as a family. Our family isn’t left to fate or destiny, our family is perfectly put together and sustained by our all-knowing, ever-loving God.

With that being said, we also knew that some day we would be given glimpses by God as to how and when He put our family together. We’ll never know all the details of Katie’s first year without us, but we do know she had to endure an abandonment and a year without a family before God would put us together. Even with all of the unknowns, we always felt confident that God would someday give us His version of the red thread.

Let me tell you about the story of our gracious red thread from the Lord:

We began the adoption process in December of 2004 and finally received our referral of Katie Mei in February of 2006. Finally, after so many months of waiting we had a face and information to go with the enormous love and longing we had. It was wonderful, glorious, and all that we imagined. But then I crashed.

After that first afternoon of staring into those eyes and at that sweet face, I suddenly became depressed. All I could think of were Katie’s birth parents. Did they know how cute she was? Who did she get those chubby cheeks from, her birth mother or birth father? Would she be tall or petite? Did they wonder about her everyday? I ached for them. I couldn’t look at Katie’s picture without becoming totally overwhelmed by grief for them.

Then, just a few days after our initial referral picture we received all of our translated information about Katie. It gave what few specific details there were about her abandonment. And then I became angry. Why there? Why then? Didn’t they love her enough to keep her longer? I knew all those questions were ridiculous. I knew in my mind that China has a horrible system that creates situations where parents have to make horrific choices. And within that system Katie’s birth parents made the most noble and honorable choice they could – they chose to give Katie a chance at life, a better life. There was no abortion. There was no abandonment in a secretive, remote location. They left her to be found with the hope for better. But I just could not see that for a few days. Instead of aching with grief, I was hot with anger. I was a mess.

During that time a sweet friend called to encourage me. She reminded me of the story that God is always weaving a tapestry out of our life. All we see is the underside of that tapestry, with the hanging threads and colors that make no sense, but someday, when the tapestry is finished, we’ll see it from heaven’s side and it will be beautiful and perfect and all make sense. It was the perfect reminder and I began again to trust God with all my emotions regarding Katie and her birth parents.

It was just a week or so later that I remembered we wanted to find out what we were doing on the day that Katie was born. I’m not always the best at keeping a calendar, but I did remember to save the calendar from 2005 and so I pulled it out. What do you know – the particular week that Katie was born was a week I had chosen to document every little detail of our lives for a scrapbook project. Not only did I have a calendar of that week, I had journaled and scrapbooked every day of that week! Isn’t God good?!

I ran to the scrapbook and pulled it out. Katie was born on May 11, 2005, so I went to May 10, 2005 – that would be the day here in the US that Katie was born in China. We didn’t really do anything picture worthy that day, so I had journaled more than usual. The one picture I did take on that day was of our i-pod playing, “I Have a Maker (He Knows my Name)” by Tommy Walker. We played this song over and over while we were waiting, allowing the words to remind us that God knew Katie from the beginning, that He was watching over her and caring for her. That day, May 10th, I was listening to that song, and I wrote:

“Just as I was writing down Scripture that I want to remember, the i-pod plays, “He Knows my Name.” Is today the day that Katie Mei is born, or abandoned? Is she already here, waiting for us? I don’t know, and that not knowing is hard, but God does know. And this brings me peace and comfort. I can rest, confident that He knows her and is caring for her already.”

Do you see that red thread in my tapestry? The very day that Katie Mei’s birth mom was in labor and giving life to our girl, her other mother half way around the world was longing for her and praying for her. God orchestrated that. No doubt about it. Someday, in heaven, as I look at my tapestry, that beautiful red thread in there will be for Katie and for her brave and courageous birth mom.

Isn’t God good?

[read more on Karen's blog]

“How do you fall in love with a picture?”
That is the question Kari Gibson asked after she had seen an on line photograph of Zoie, who is now a part of Gibsons’ “forever family.”

Our daughter Rebecca Blitch and her husband Vernon could have asked the same question. Their several years quest to find a child ended when they saw pictures of Yonatan and Fetlework on a web site. The children were half a planet away, in Ethiopia. They hadn’t considered two ‘til then.

Excitement, fear, and a thousand what if’s. Can there be too many grandchildren?  Carol and I think not.

Nearly fifty years ago when we were expecting our second child it seemed our hearts were so full. “Could there be room for another?”

God expanded those hearts many times. Two more children and a bunch’a grandchildren later it seemed our heart expansion time had come to an end. God wasn’t finished.

How does one describe the past three and a half years? Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz the memories whirl ‘round, spin out the top and are replaced by others.

Hugs and frowns; walking and looking for wildlife; planting watering and harvesting in the garden; helping Memaw in the kitchen; learning vocabulary; Ethiopian dance by the fire; sliding at ‘Whitewater; swimming in the cold creek; queen waves.

More hugs…………are there ever enough?

Memaw teaching Fetle to sew; Yonatan in a world all his own, dancing his happy Ethiopian shoulder dance. Swinging on the big rope swing.

Soccer and basketball, victories and………….sometimes not.

Cuts and bruises; snuggling on the sofa; hair braiding; special times eating Ethiopian cuisine.

Field trips and grandparents day lunch at school.

Like a balloon that will never burst the expansion continues. Will there be more?……………….

Ain’t God good?

Charlie

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/EthiopianChild
http://www.ethiopianchild.org

My crazy readers… are you going to watch the adoption movie Like Dandelion Dust?  I want to know what you think?

My encouragement to you:  See it this opening weekend if you can, because every theater seat that’s filled is a vote of support.  And please spread word if you love it.  Pushy, pushy I know, but . . . your chatter matters—particularly because independent films don’t have gazillion-dollar ad budgets that accompany studio blockbusters.  The indy system works like a family business.  Revenue from the first weekend is used to expand the film’s distribution week after week thereafter.  You get the idea, so now . . . go have fun.  Take a friend, your family, a neighbor—and especially some Kleenex. (Rick Christian- President Alive Communications, Inc.)

Storing Up Treasures
By Vanessa
(Journeytojames1-27.blogspot.com)

My husband and I do not presently own a house. We live on one income because we feel God has called me to stay at home in order to invest in and raise our children. Therefore we do not have a ton of money. By American standards, we are not wealthy. However, by the world’s standards, we are filthy, unbelievably rich.

However, this seems to be a hang up when people hear that we are not only adding another child to our family, but adopting. Presently we are waiting at #11 on our agency’s waitlist for a infant boy, and we have a 2 year old biological boy.

Shouldn’t we not have any more children until we own a home? Shouldn’t we not spend the money we have on an adoption until we have a lot of money in savings? Until we have a nice little nest egg? As well as “emergency” funds that are filled to the brim…just in case?

It makes me sad….overwhelmingly sad.

What has happened to the state of the Christian mindset when the possibility of needing an “emergency fund” of money in the bank is more pressing than the life of a child, abandoned and alone? That a lonely and scared child should wait until we store up our treasures in a bank?

As Christians, we have stripped down Christ and what he stood for into some self-help Guru. Your Best Life Now! 10 Steps to Prosperity!

Many quickly turn the page when Christ talks about how hard it is for a rich man to enter heaven, that we are called to live selflessly, to meet the needs of the poor and orphaned, to follow him with all we are and all we have… because isn’t it so much more enjoyable to focus on the parts of scripture where it talks about Christ being our comfort, meeting our needs, and being our helper?

The reality is that like the rest of the country, Christians have become so obsessed with comfort and stability that we are terrified for Christ to stretch us, to refine us, to push us, to make us uncomfortable. To live radically for Him. But this is exactly what we are called to do.

In Matthew 6 Christ calls us to store up treasures in heaven:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Our treasure? Christ and the children he has created. I do not see a greater emergency in this world than a child without a home. A child who most likely will die alone from poverty or Aids. Our money can sit in a bank waiting for some emergency or it can become life in in the form of a laughing, cuddling, child.

Is it even a choice? Really think about that…when everything is stripped away it comes down to Life or Money…how is that even a choice?

Believe me, I am so far from perfect in this area. To be brutally honest, for a very long time I was obsessed with putting money into our savings account. It was just my thing. It brought me pleasure to see the numbers rise. It made me feel comfort. Now, as more and more money goes towards the adoption and other outreach efforts and I see those bank account numbers get lower and lower…fear sets in. My heart races and all the what-ifs start pounding away at my resolve. I have even sat there crying like a big baby because following God’s call is so uncomfortable sometimes. But it is in those moments where I feel a whisper in my heart:

Do you trust Me? Do you trust My call and provision in your life? Do you trust my Word?

Yes God, yes.

Then put it into action. Let your life reflect Me. Faith without deeds is dead.

So I go back to the scripture, back to God’s word, back to the truth…over and over again, and learn to truly rely on and trust in God.

Like a tightrope walker across two high buildings, we have to focus our eyes on Him and his Word. If we look down, if we take our eyes off Him, we are going to fall.

I will leave you with the beginning of Chapt 4 in Francis Chan’s book Crazy Love. Be challenged with me today- be uncomfortable.

Chapt 4 is about this scripture found in Revelations:

¹⁴“To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. ¹⁵I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! ¹⁶So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. ¹⁷You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. ¹⁸I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. ¹⁹Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. ²⁰Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. ²¹To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. ²²He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.” -Rev 3

Chapter Four: Profile of the lukewarm

Crazy Love, by Francis Chan

“It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity.[ii]”

“Lukewarm people give money to charity and the church… as long as it doesn’t impinge on their standard of living. If they have a little extra and it is easy and safe to give, they do so. After all, God loves a cheerful giver, right?[i]”

“Lukewarm people are moved by stories about people who do radical things for Christ, yet they do not act. They assume such action is for the “extreme” Christians, not average ones. Lukewarm people call “radical” what Jesus expected of all His followers.”

“Lukewarm people will serve God and others, but there are limits to how far they will go, or how much time, money, and energy they are willing to give.”

“Lukewarm people are thankful for their luxuries and comforts and rarely try and give as much as possible to the poor. They are quick to point out, “Jesus never said money is the root of all evil, only that the love of money is.” Untold numbers of lukewarm people feel ‘called’ to minister to the rich; very few feel ‘called’ to minister to the poor.”