A Crazy Kinda Love!
by Kit Hoeck

I am a part of a wild and crazy family who love big, talk loud, and who individually wrestles with God’s role in our lives.  Early in October I had the privilege of spending a month in Washington helping care for my 92-year-old Grandmother and it was by far one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.  During that time, I witnessed beauty and passionate love in a profound, unforgettable way as I watched my mother, brothers, and sister-in-laws tenderly love and care for Grandma and as I witnessed my Grandma face death with dignity and grace.  She was a darling woman who had cared unselfishly for her family for countless years.  After our Grandfather passed away, she lived alone for more than 30 years in her home until the day she went into the hospital.  She rarely complained, loved relentlessly, and laughed easily.  Her home was a safe haven for all who entered and the mixture of Tide laundry detergent, Downey fabric softener, and baking … created an enticing aroma I have tried to replicate in my home to this day! She rarely verbally professed her faith and for most of her life seemed to wrestle with her spiritual connection to a loving Savior.

Though her mind remained sharp, her body began to deteriorate and we struggled to keep her comfortable.  In a short period of time she went from being able to care for herself to hardly managing simple hygiene or walking from room to room. Once in the hospital, however, she remained compassionate and patient with doctors and nurses and her sense of humor kept us laughing throughout the day.  The amazing thing about her attitude was that she was in excruciating pain that became increasingly difficult to manage.  As the doctors experimented with combinations of medications in an attempt to keep her comfortable, Grandma began to experience hallucinations and confusion. A member of our family was able to spend nights with her in the hospital and one evening when her mind was extremely troubled, I decided to read scripture out loud to her.  When I came to Psalm 23, she began reciting it along with me as I read.  It was obvious she had hidden this Psalm in her heart as a young girl.  On several occasions she would ask my brothers and me, “What day is it?”  She would then say, “Well, honey … you pray for me when you go to church.”  I absolutely loved holding Grandma’s soft hand praying with her.  One evening when my youngest brother stayed with her, he said she recited Psalm 23 over and over throughout the night.  In the end, Grandma was at peace with her loving Savior and understood God’s abounding love for her.

I learned some very valuable lessons from this experience and have come to love my crazy loud family even more.  I saw beauty, compassion, patience, love, and understanding in them in ways I have not recognized before.  JJ Heller is my “new” favorite singer/songwriter and in her song “What Love Really Means,” she captures the essence of unconditional love … “dear God won’t you please send someone here who will love me for me … not for what I have done or what I will become.”  I love that!  And I want to be the kind of daughter, wife, sister, mother, and friend who will love like that … here on earth.  Because I believe that ultimately God wants us to share His kind of love … a kind of love that shouts, “… I will love you for you, not for what you have done or what you will become, I will love you for you, I will give you the love, the love that you never knew.”

I confess I have let petty differences and misunderstandings stand in the way of loving my family BIG at times.  Loving them simply for who they are without expectations of what I think they should become.  Through the pain of watching someone I loved dearly walk into the arms of a loving Savior … I have learned a valuable lesson in loving others … with God’s crazy kinda love!

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Growing Beautiful with Age, by Kit Hoeck

My family and I went out for breakfast one morning together after our son’s graduation and before Grandparents left town.  While enjoying my scrabbled eggs and toast, I couldn’t help but notice four “elderly” women sitting at a table nearby.  I use that term VERY loosely as they were four beautiful, energetic, lovely women!  I noticed they were all casually, comfortably, and tastefully dressed.  They all had beautiful heads of hair – two – gorgeously white.  They laughed, visited, and obviously enjoyed each other’s company as they sipped their coffee.

Life has been difficult for two of the most important women in my life and juxtaposed next to these vibrant women, my heart ached for the pain they bear.  Their lives have been riddled with abuse, misunderstandings, tolerating cruelty – and more importantly – separation from a relationship with Jesus Christ.  I’ve watched as they have often endured suffocating emptiness and loneliness and it truly breaks my heart.  As a woman saved by God’s grace, I’ve tried to encourage and direct them to His mercy; regrettably, without much success.  It’s all too easy to live in the past with painful memories, and allow Satan to circumvent the freedom we have in Christ’s shed blood.  I know this – because I have done it over and over again.

In this world, there will always be sin, pain, and hardship, but I have learned that when I suffered abuse at the hands of evil men, my heavenly Father was the first to shed tears and that He keeps track of ALL my tears.  “You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book” (Psalms 56:8).   This brings a great deal of comfort to me; however, I realize, that concept may not make sense to many people.  Bitterness and unforgiveness rob us of vitality.  They rob us of enjoying our children and grandchildren.  Bitterness keeps us entangled in events far removed from the opportunities of present joys.  Unforgiveness keeps us bound to the ones who committed acts of violence, betrayal, and pain against us.  In this journey of healing, for me, finding comfort in the sweetness of the Lord is the beginning to letting go of bitterness and unforgiveness.  Have I arrived?  No, not quite!  But with my focus on Him, my vision is set on being a woman full of compassion, joy, humor, and contentment.

… and one day, with a head full of white hair, I hope and pray that my life will radiate the sweetness of Christ far more than painful childhood events.

This is my prayer for all my sisters in whatever season or whatever journey you are on.  That with your feet firmly planted in His truth and promises, bitterness and unforgiveness will not rob you of the vitality of life He has for you on this earth.

The Brownie Fiasco – by Kit Hoeck

Our son Kyle graduated from High School on May 13, and it’s been a wild and crazy ride the past few weeks:  preparing for finals, graduation, company, the party … you know the drill!  A few days before his last week of school, Kyle asked if I would make my “famous brownies” and bring them to school during lunch to share with his friends.  What mother could refuse such a request from her soon-to-be college-bound son!  But true to form, I was juggling a million things the morning of brownie baking and the simple task turned into a hysterical fiasco!

I had a writing deadline that day so I spent time early that morning looking over my assignment.  I wanted the brownies to be warm so I also decided to bake them in the morning instead of the night before, but after I had all the other ingredients (okay two boxed brownie mixes!) in the bowl I realized the only oil I had was Virgin Olive Oil.  My husband is the “chef” in our home so I didn’t think it would make a difference and I dumped it in the mix.  But being the conscientious baker, I tasted the batter and it was horrible!  Worried that it would cause the baked brownies to taste terrible – still in my morning sweats, no bra, no makeup, and no shower – I jumped in my car and headed for the nearest mini mart for two more boxes of brownie mix and Crisco Oil to start over.  Unbelievably, the mini mart only had ONE box of brownie mix.  Yikes!  Time is running out!  I held up the box of brownie mix and asked the cashier if he had one more.  Speaking little to no English he repeatedly told his assistant to go look – but not understanding him – the assistant was unsure of what he was looking for!  I showed him the box, followed him to the shelf, but of course there wasn’t another box.  I finally paid and arriving home thought I could mix up another box with the right oil and just mix PART of the other batter and hopefully that would be okay.  While mixing the new batter, my cell phone rang and it was my dear friend Kari Gibson!  As we chatted, I decided I should probably eat something because my blood sugar was beginning to drop.  As I mixed batter, talked with Kari, cradling my phone against my ear … I lost grip and my cell phone landed in my bowl of cheerios!  I quickly grabbed it hoping not to miss a beat but suddenly Kari was yelling in my ear, “Kit, you sound gargley, I can’t understand you!”  When I explained what had just transpired, she told me to take my phone apart and dry it with my hairdryer!  I quickly dumped the brownie mixture into the pan, added the “famous ingredients” – reeses peanut butter chips and chocolate chips – and ran to my hair dryer!  I finally showered and made it to the high school where the brownies were a big hit with Kyle’s friends, soccer coaches, and principals!

Why do I share this ridiculous story with you?  I share it because I am a woman who takes herself way too seriously at times.  I’ve healed much on this journey, but it would have been easy for me to let that situation ruin my entire day by allowing Satan to convince me that I was inadequate and incapable as a wife, mother, and a writer desiring that my words bring healing, hope, and encouragement to others.  But that day, I CLUNG to truth and remembered that God’s promises are true and He alone brings us the hope to persevere and succeed in this life.  Psalm 119:49-52 tells us, “…you have given me hope.  My comfort in my suffering is this:  Your promise preserves my life.”  His hope is an anchor for our souls (Heb. 6:19), firm and secure.  We do not need to seek man’s approval because what this world has to offer is empty and meaningless.  Christ promises us that His “divine power has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness through Him…” and that it’s those precious promises that allow us to participate with Him and escape the corruption of this world (2 Peter 1:3-4).

Dear sisters, it is my hope and prayer that in whatever season you find yourself today, you will discover comfort in a very real and magnificent God who has our back – even when we make a mess of our brownies!

I Wish

Point of Grace came out with a song years ago entitled, “I Wish.”  I recently came across this song and fell in love with it!  I tell my boys – it’s my feel good song I listen to in my car nearly every day.  Here’s a peek at the lyrics: “… wish I didn’t feel so helpless, wish I didn’t act so selfish, and wish I didn’t get so mad at the world. … wish my hair was a little bit smoother; my jeans fit a little looser, and wish I always knew the right things to say.  I wish I was better with all the things that matter, guess I’ve got some learning to do…”  I kind of laugh every time I hear the part about smoother hair and looser jeans, as I think there are many of us who relate to those feelings.  I’ve shared enough in previous blogs for you to know I have a history of struggling with my esteem, feelings of fitting in, or that I have any real purpose for God.  We live in a society that constantly bombards us with a need to be all things to all people.  I recently read an article from a Christian author where she stated that it was the responsibility of a wife to have meals planned and prepared, maintain an orderly home, keep herself sexually appealing, manage the children, and anticipate the household needs of her husband – even if she works outside the home.  Now, my intent is not to take her views out of context – but I would challenge women to examine their hearts and recognize that their worth in Christ runs far deeper than appearance or what we accomplish in a day.  I firmly believe that our Almighty is a god of order and desires discipline in our lives, but I’ve been learning to hold fast to some very powerful truths that are setting me free from the trap of a performance-based life!  Our foundation MUST be in the truth of who we are in Christ, not on a world’s view.  I hope these scriptures will encourage you today to lean hard on a savior who paid the COMPLETE price for us on the cross:  Matthew 5:14 tells us we are the light of the world; a child of God (John 1:12); Christ’s friend! (John 15:15); no longer a slave to sin, we are a slave to righteousness (Rom 6:18); we are a temple, literally a home of God and His Spirit, His life, dwells in us! (Cor.3:16; 6:1).  Sisters we are chosen and dearly loved by God (1 Thess. 1:4).  Please seek to recognize your worth in Christ today and cling to the ONE who is completely able to fill your soul.

Snow Days

It’s a blizzard across the entire mid-west including our city and our 18-year old son wants to go “hang” with his friends.  I understand … I really do.  I remember being 18, having a snow day and wanting to do anything but stay at home!  That’s the paradox of a day out of school.  You don’t want to be in class studying but you also don’t want to be away from friends.  My husband informs Kyle that he isn’t going anywhere; that there’s at least an inch of ice under 6 inches of snow, schools are closed, businesses are closed, and the news informs the city to stay off the highways unless “absolutely necessary.”  Is it absolutely necessary to go hang with friends?  Hummmm, I don’t think so.  Again, I understand my son, but I’m a mom and it’s our responsibility as his parents to make wise decisions to protect his safety while he lives in this home … right?

Quite possibly the main reason I so identify with my son is because I tend to be a lot like him – or is it the other way around!  Kyle and I are all about the fun … relationships, laughing, socializing, and communicating with others.  And we tend to push the envelope a bit when it comes to following rules.  My husband is always early (unless my hair isn’t just right!), he drives the speed limit, and he colors within the lines!  He balances me … or I guess we balance each other.

In my own life, I find myself forging ahead all too often making decisions based on my feelings, my emotions, my own will.  Psalm 147:10-11 tells us that the Lord delights in us when we put our trust in Him … “His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.”  Much like Don and I want to provide a safety net for our kids, God provides that safety net for us when we CHOOSE to listen to His voice … heed his guidance.  There are countless times I have sensed His voice during a quiet time, walking away with such a peace only to later be tempted by circumstances, anxiety, or other voices.  It is these times when I recognize that my flesh wants to take over the control I earlier relinquished to my Father.  Don and I want our son to lean on the love and leadership of Christ in all his decisions.  But it might have taken a few snow days for me to realize that like my son I often allow my flesh and my selfish will to dictate and control my life.

I would love to hear from you!  How have your kids taught you things about trusting God or revealed things about your own spiritual journey?

On this journey with you,
Kit

A Creeping Enemy

Why is it so easy to allow the enemy to creep in to areas of weakness in our lives and camp out?  I recognize where he has taken up residency in my fragile parts and my dear friend shared this morning where he has taken up residency in hers.  What causes this in our lives?  Is it laziness, weariness, stress, lack of discipline, lack of focus?  For me, I think it’s probably a little bit of all of these things and that doesn’t make me proud!  As I look back over my journals I see entry after entry of God’s goodness and provision in my life.  I read of a woman bound and determined to stay the course, keeping eyes focused on Him … so what brings that same woman to such a halt allowing the enemy to wreck havoc on my heart?

Those questions could probably produce a theological dissertation so I won’t venture that direction here, but what I do know and I want to share is the beauty and glory of saturating myself with His word and what a difference that makes!  Several weeks ago I spent some time looking for a verse my 26-year-old daughter was looking for.  In my pursuit I came across verse after verse that blessed my weary soul.  I like to personal scripture and here are just a few that spoke to me:

Psalms 121 tells me that “The Lord watches over me, the Lord is my shade at my right hand; … He will watch over my life; the Lord will watch over my coming and going both now and forevermore.”  Psalm 139 says that He will hem me in … behind and before.  He has laid His hand upon me and such knowledge is too wonderful!  And Philippians 1:6 says that I can be confident that “He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

We know that this life will bring trials; the Lord was clear on that point.  He also understands temptation, insecurity, disillusionment, and disappointment.  Jeremiah 29:11 makes it clear that He has a plan and a purpose for our lives even in the midst of temptations, insecurities, and disappointments.  But one verse that blesses me beyond words is the next verse, “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I WILL LISTEN TO YOU.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you!”  Can you imagine … can you wrap your heart around that!?  We can find Him; He’s not hiding from us.  We can’t disappoint Him.  That is one of the most beautiful truths I know here on this earth!

What draws you back into the Father’s fold when you sometimes feel a little disconnected?  I would love to hear from you.

Be encouraged today my dear friends!

Defining Beauty

Webster defines beauty as, “qualities that give pleasure to the senses or exalt the mind.”  If someone were to ask you to name a “beautiful” woman – given the world’s standards of beauty – it would be a simple task.  We can all think of women who by society’s definition would be deemed as beautiful.  Every magazine, billboard, and commercial bombards our senses with images of beautiful women on a daily basis.  Like many women, I wrestle with insecurities in the area of appearance, body image, and just measuring up.

But many years ago – as a young Christian woman, I became drawn to the life and suffering of Corrie ten Boom and my perception of beauty began to change.  Now I am not suggesting that Corrie ten Boom WAS NOT a beautiful woman by appearance standards – I am simply trying to differentiate between our worldly perceptions of beauty and inner beauty – so I hope you can hear my heart and follow my message here!

Most of you probably know the story of Corrie ten Boom and her family.  Corrie is the author of many books, the most recognized being, The Hiding Place; depicting the ten Boom family’s suffering at the hands of Nazi Germany and their years in the Nazi prison camps.  Corrie’s father and sister both perished in the death camps, but by some miracle, Corrie survived.  Her remaining years on this earth were spent sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ – His love, mercy, grace, compassion, and yes … His message of forgiveness.

I recently was reading in her devotional, Not I, But Christ, and was so encouraged by her words.  She shared that she accepted the Lord Jesus when she was five years old and that, “He has never left me alone.”  She suggested that there are many battles to be fought before peace will come, but that we are not alone in any of these battles.  I love the truth of what she reveals when she shares that the Holy Spirit is ever present and that Jesus is our secret weapon.  I’m not sure that … actually, I KNOW that I do not live each day as if my Lord were my secret weapon in all of my battles!  Too often, I face them alone – running stubbornly right into the midst of them.  But Corrie further explains that it is in surrender that peace comes:  “God cleanses what He takes; He empties what He cleanses; He fills what He empties; and He uses what He fills.  This is the showing forth of Jesus Christ, dwelling in us.”

That completely rocks and challenges my view of beauty!  I want to be a woman who lives in surrender to the Lord’s purposes for my life – I have not arrived.  My journey is just that … a journey every day – each day a process.  Corrie has since gone to eternity with the Lord, but what I saw when I looked at Corrie ten Boom and when I read her words was beauty in its purest form.  The beauty of Christ radiating from her eyes, her smile, her confidence, her compassion, and her incredible desire to encourage others.  And I am inspired by the beauty of her words as they impact millions of hungry souls around the world still today.

Psalm 27:4 says, “One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:  that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord.”  His promise to those who seek Him, to those who make Him their home, is that “he will keep me safe in His dwelling: He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.”  Our heads will be raised high above the enemies who seek to destroy us.  And our home, our dwelling will be in the safety of His shelter.  That’s a pretty beautiful thing to ponder.

I would love to hear from you – how has the Lord impacted your life in the area of beauty?  Is there a person who has spoken truth into your life or modeled beauty to you?

Walking this journey with you,
Kit