Guest Blogger-
When I was pregnant with each of my children, I would sit and wonder, What’s going on in there? while staring at my bulging tummy.
Wondering what they looked like, what their personalities they would develop, longing to just know them was a regular part of expecting them.
The other night I could not sleep. I felt this heavy burden not only for my sweet baby a world away, but for his birthmother. That day someone had asked if I was excited to bring the baby home. I am thrilled, just as I was to bring my other children home. But I can’t help but feel a certain sense that this beautiful homecoming is set against the backdrop of sorrow. I can’t just forget his other mom, and wonder what she is going through or what is to come of her. I pray for her daily. I am beginning to realize that I will forever be tied to her. I can’t forget that this precious child is joining our family because of tragedy.
At the same time, I am beginning to notice that someone is missing in our family. In the car, there is a spot next to Ellie for a third carseat that isn’t there yet. Each day it looks more like a gaping hole needing to be filled with another wiggly little body. The urgency to see him, know him, and be his mother is mounting. I am beginning to wonder what’s going on in there?
Except this time my baby is across the globe.
I can’t feel him moving beneath my ribs or see his heartbeat fluttering on an ultrasound screen.
Yet, I’m comforted by this-
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
Truly, I have never had to have faith like this before. I have never had so little control over the lives of one of my children. I have never had to pray, Lord, I don’t know where my child is. I don’t know what his birthmother is going through. But I do know who you are. I do know you have good in store for this child and you are with him.
In the midst of all of the unknowns, I have to focus on the one thing I do know. I do know who He is.
–
Lara
#55 boy, #76 girl!
