My Life Is Crazy Too is a new series of reader submissions. This is your opportunity to share stories about life, love, and mommyhood to provide understanding, hope, and compassion in the unique situations each of us face every day. If you would like to submit a story to this series, email me. Today’s crazy guest is . {updated with new family photos}

I started thinking about this as we were completing our second adoption. Fund-raising. And can I just say we did a lot of fund-raising, which was probably what made me think long and hard about it—coffee, t-shirts, celebration cards, garage sales, silent auctions—and I’m sure I left something out. Oh, yeah, begging. But that doesn’t count, does it?
With the adoption of our first son from Ethiopia we weren’t very schooled in fundraising, so we didn’t really make any grand attempts at it. Yet we were still blessed to bring Micah home without incurring any debt. I was working part-time, which helped a little. And we had some very special Brothers and Sisters in the Lord make some very generous donations toward our adoption expenses, which helped a lot!!

Even still with our second adoption I think I lost a little faith. God did such miracles to bring our Micah home that I really just expected to have to suck it up with Judah. So the fund-raising ensued.
But something really started to haunt me as we pursued different fund-raising efforts. I was asking others to give toward our adoption, but what was I willing to give?? Or maybe give up is the better question. I’m a stay-at-home mom and my husband is a minister, so we don’t have much expendable income that we just blow. Our cars are older, and paid for. We don’t take luxurious vacations. We never spend more than $20 when we eat out. I don’t own a pair of jeans that cost more than $35. So there’s really no where to cut back. Right? Continue Reading

Our adoption story began 8 years ago when our friends adopted their son from Guatemala. God started a fire in our hearts for orphans. Both my husband and I knew, we would one day adopt. We have four biological daughters and one son who passed away as an infant. I felt very strongly that we were meant to adopt a son.

After years of praying and doors closing, we finally began the process of a domestic adoption. We attended classes, we did our paperwork, we created our family profile and we waited. In June of 2010, I felt strongly in my spirit that something was happening, but our call didn’t come. In December 2010, we began to feel called to Africa. We began the process of updating our home study and finding out more information. In January, we made the decision that we would accept boy/girl twins. It seemed silly at the time because it’s so rare to adopt twins. Not to mention, we already had four children at home. Adding two children through adoption would make us crazy right? Three days after we made that decision, we got an email from a friend that changed our lives forever……

“Are you interested in adopting 18 month old boy/girl twins?”

We said yes without hesitation. We started communicating with the agency that had the twins’ file and got more information about them and their history. We found out that they were brought into the orphanage in June 2010. Remember that little feeling I had? We also found out how much it was going to cost to pursue their adoption. My husband is self-employed, and I am a stay-at-home mom. It was our slow time at work and we had just lost our biggest account. We did not have 30k for the adoption. It seemed like the worst possible timing. But we prayed and talked about it. And my husband said, “I believe God is asking us to step out in faith.”

The next day we began looking into adoption grants. Within a week we were approved for a grant and a loan. That just doesn’t happen often!!! Our daily pray was, “Lord, if you keep opening doors, we will keep walking.”

Things looked like they would move quickly and we would travel within just a couple of months. However, that was not God’s plan. It has almost been a year since we saw their faces and we haven’t met them yet. To say that it has been a painful wait would be a gross understatement.

We have had so many signs from the Lord, that this is the path we are to be walking. But I wont lie and say that it has been easy. It’s been hard. Satan’s attacks have been many. The tears have flown frequently. And I know that it will probably get more intense. Leaving my girls here while we fly to Africa for several weeks is something that I try not to dwell on. This is tough stuff.

But what I want you to take away from our story, is that this is not our story. It’s God’s story. We are just a small part of the puzzle. And I am just so thankful to be a part of it. He has grown us more than I can ever say.

We have learned so much about adoption. We have learned so much about ourselves. We have had so many incredible people step in and help us walk this road. We have seen God open doors where we didn’t even know they existed. Between fundraising and grants, we have raised 18k towards this adoption. It’s incredible to say the least.

These precious children who live on the other side of the world, have changed us. They have grown us. I can’t even describe the joy that I have at the thought of bringing these little ones into our family soon. Please join us in praying them home.

We have set up a charity site that makes it super easy for people to donate for our adoption. 

In HIS Grip, Audrey
Blog: The Brown Brigade

I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

First off thank you KARI for letting us share part of our story while she is serving in Haiti.  You don’t probably know me—a mom from Austin MN, an Assistant Principal at a local middle school with a son and a great husband-but you might know a story like mine or know someone going through this time in their life.

I was in a deep pit.

Yes, I know it is easier to look back, dust yourself off and be relieved after it is all over-but this is not what I am writing about today-I am telling about when I was in it, scrambling to get out, looking at everyone else around me looking down at me-unsure how to respond, how to help, and how to help me heal.

It started in July of 2010 with this picture:

We had begun our adoption process in January of the same year-with thoughts of waiting 2-3 years for the referral of a 3-4 year old boy from Ethiopia.  Instead we received a referral before the ink was dry on our home study!  He was beautiful-I knew his name, and his story and I loved him!  I didn’t think that type of love could come from a picture-but it did.  My husband and our son Kenny loved M from the start-we started dreaming about what our life would be like with M in it-all the challenges and changes that would come.

Then the wait started.

First we hit the court closure in Ethiopia, and then some of our paperwork had to be changed.  I watched the agency updates daily..waiting…wondering “when is it our turn”.  Finally December 22nd, 2010-6 months after accepting the referral we received our court date-early March 2011.
As my husband and I walked out of court in Ethiopia we were so excited-the judge had “approved” our case on the spot!  According to timelines I followed we were to expect to return to Ethiopia in early June to bring our son home-maybe even before his 5th birthday!  We would have the summer to adjust (and he could adjust to Minnesota weather before the “snow”) and hopes to start him in preschool in the fall so he would be Kindergarten ready for 2012.  I can remember 1 week after returning buying these outfits and starting the suitcase for him.  I can also remember thanking God for “passing” us right away-out of the 11 families that traveled together-only 4 passed at court-I kept thinking that I couldn’t have handled not passing right away-God knew what I could handle…right?

Then everything changed.

We received a call from our Social Worker-a piece of paperwork was not being released, we were no longer approved and had to wait for this letter-not to worry, should take no longer than a month.

No letter in March, April, May, or June.  By this time 7 families had already traveled out of the 11 and brought their children home.  The judge wrote another firm letter to require the release of the letter for our son.  We celebrated his 5th birthday without him.

July-our agency called to tell us that 2 of the 4 letters needed had been released…ours was not one of the letters.  And he had been suddenly moved due to and orphanage closure, hoping for updates on his health soon-as I had been waiting since early April for height/weight updates-something I cherished as a way to picture him now…one year after his referral picture.

Late July-almost a year since referral-we finally passed!  Letters had been released, now people were traveling to get him and bring him to the Capitol City-maybe October Embassy??  Fall in Minnesota is beautiful and we would be together for the Holidays!

Another slip into the pit….

Days went by for the call that he was in the Capitol city-then the call…. the one no one wants…the one that they say “We are waiting to get your husband on the line before we start” even typing this I still get teary eyed and my heart races.  The call where they tell you due to some unforeseen issues-we don’t think this adoption will go through.

My heart truly had been broken- I did not understand, the tears flowed as we met with our Pastor-as I walked into school and brought our son home to tell him, as I figured out a way to get up the next morning, and the one after that, and to keep breathing and praying for him to be loved-by anyone-for me.

Prayer given via email to our Church Members:

Pastor Mike has requested prayer for Rob & Jess Cabeen and Kenny. Their adoption was terminated. Please pray for wisdom and comfort.

Psalm 71:20-22

New Living Translation (NLT)

20 You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
but you will restore me to life again
and lift me up from the depths of the earth.
21 You will restore me to even greater honor
and comfort me once again.

22 Then I will praise you with music on the harp,
because you are faithful to your promises, O my God.
I will sing praises to you with a lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.

God is a wonderful, trusting God-looking back these times in the past year was dark, I mean DARK.  I had never been so low in my life…but I don’t think I had ever been so close to God either.  I reached for him while running everyday; I looked for him in the eyes of African children in the school I worked at.  I cried with him while playing drums in our worship band, I reached out for him through wonderful people like Kari Gibson, Jenn Hatmaker, and Amanda Herdina (Visiting Orphans) and I learned from him through our care group at church and bible studies.  Now I am able to tell you the truth—I question him-daily, maybe hourly at times.  “Why us?  Why him?  What did we do wrong?” I cried regularly for M, for our lives.  Each holiday or grief marker I cried for what I had lost, it was truly the roughest time in my life.

But He gave me strength.

Each day after that day in August 2011 I felt him with me, carrying me through the tough times.  He helped me to type the emails to the other families-congratulating them on their new addition, letting them know how happy we are for them-and not to feel bad about their successful adoptions-celebrate being a forever family-we will survive.  God was with me during the conference calls after the news in August and He was loving on our little guy-even though he had no idea what was going on, and how much people-both in the US and Ethiopia were fighting for him.

“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”

Hebrews 11:1

Then October came-and a little light cracked through the darkness in our pit-this might actually happen!  We waited and watched quite a dramatic turn of events evolve…and at Thanksgiving received word-he was in the Capitol City and would be submitted to Embassy within a week.  Praise God!  Praise God! Praise God!

Now not defy the odds, but if you have adopted from Ethiopia recently-you are aware that the timelines for Embassy can range up to 6 weeks, if not 8-12.  We set in for a late January/February travel date…hey maybe he would miss much of the snow I was so worried about for him—preschool-well he will get a lot of support and we still hope for Kindergarten 2012…we don’t care at this point-we just want to see him, hold him and love him.

Well 5 days into our Embassy Submission we got THE CALL-not only that within 48 hours I was on a plane to bring him home, before Christmas!  God is so good-his timeline was exactly how it should be.  I mean, we are three weeks into being a family of four and we are finally seeing snow-it has been so warm here that M and brother played outside during the Christmas break!  We have been to church and have dedicated M “Isaiah” and promised to raise him with a faith and believe in God.  I don’t think that will be too difficult as his journey thus far is a testament to the Spirit and the Ways in which He works.

At the Airport-December 23rd, 2011

Now I will admit, the transition into life of a family of four is not storybook-or easy.  It is tough, we are muddling through this one step at a time-but loving every step of it and we know that God will be with us through this next step of our journey.

May you be blessed,

Jessica Cabeen

Blog: Bring Home Our Family

Don’t forget to leave my guest a comment and cheer them on …. thank you for sharing!!!

Our adoption story begins with my own childhood and the day that I came to America as an adoptee from Korea. I was not brought into a Christian family, but looking back as a Christ Follower, I can see how God’s hand saved me not only spiritually but also physically through adoption. Feeling like I’d been given a second chance at life, my husband and I always hoped to adopt one day and provide the forever family that every child deserves. As the years went on and we had 2 boys by birth, we became comfortable with where our lives were and didn’t put much energy into pursuing adoption. I was blessed to be fulfilling what God had placed in my heart through developing an adoption ministry at our church and that passion seemed to be filling the desire I had to “give back”.

In February of 2010 I led a team to Ethiopia with the purpose of learning the process of adoption and to set up a partnership to bring orphans to our area for a summer hosting program with hopes of finding them forever families. We toured many orphanages over the 10 days we were there. It was at one in particular though that God would show me the plan He had all along for our own forever family. As Meskerem(14) and Zenash(6) walked in the room, so we could interview them for the hosting program, I felt something unexplainable in my heart. It was as if God was whispering to me, “these are your daughters”. I tried to tell myself I’d had too much coffee during the coffee ceremonies and that exhaustion was settling in, but all the reasoning in the world could not trump the Lord and His sovereign plan. As we finished the interview with the girls, we learned that they also had a brother, Worku(9), and that he was still living on the streets in Hawassa. I was so drawn to these girls that I couldn’t stop thinking about them the rest of our evening. When our team returned to our guest home, I was trying to process through the day and what I was feeling and what I sensed God had laid on my heart, which was that he had something in store for my family with this sibling group. I wrestled with so many thoughts wondering if the day had just all come to a head for me and if I had just felt overwhelmingly burdened for the orphans I came face to face with that day. That moment which was so unexplainable became the moment I chose to step into the throne room of God and be completely surrendered to Him and His plan. I knew He was asking me to tell my husband about them and so I emailed him and asked him to pray about these kids that I had met. I told him it was a sibling group of 3. It was way more than we had ever discussed previously when we spoke of adopting one day. We were thinking 1 little girl from an Asian country… this was 3 children from Ethiopia! As challenging as this was for me to fathom I had a peace that I didn’t understand.

I emailed my husband and asked him to pray about what God had laid on my heart. I expected this to be a conversation continued when I returned home, especially since it was not 1 child, but 3 and we were now in our 40’s with a 16yo and 12yo at home. But, again, as God’s plan is sovereign, I quickly received a reply from my husband saying “Yes!”. Once again God was showing us that He had been working this out in both our hearts without our realization.

The next day I received a call from the orphanage director indicating she had found Worku and he was now living at the orphanage with his sisters. Wow God, you don’t waste anytime do you? I had the immense privilege to spend a whole morning with all 3 of the kids on the last day we were in Ethiopia. It wasn’t an easy task as the director had to embark on a 4-hour ride from Hawassa to Addis where I was staying, but what a gift I had been given.

As I later sat on the deck of my guest home waiting to go to the airport, my heart ached and tears flowed uncontrollably with the thought that I was leaving a piece of me in Ethiopia. I didn’t know if the adoption of these children would actually happen, but we were going to say “Yes!” to God until He told us “No!”.

19 months later, we arrived home on September 11th, 2011 with our new forever family! It was a difficult process adopting older children as we encountered numerous roadblocks, doubts, faith rockers and challenges, but God’s plan reigned sovereign yet again, and we can now think upon 9.11 with gratitude and thanksgiving!

But the LORD’s plans stand firm forever; his intentions can never be shaken. Psalm 33:11

The challenges we encountered in the process are a whole other story, but you can catch them on my blog “Smore Stories”(named because our multi-cultural family resembles a smore): www.thebradfordadoption.wordpress.com. Now that we are home as a family, I use the site to share honestly, educate and stir people’s hearts in this beautiful, messy, God anointed love process called “Adoption”.

(A note from Kari- It’s such an honor to share your adoption stories on My Crazy Adoption blog. Every story is a miracle and encouragement to my soul. THIS story made me cry …. I understand her pain of God closing a precious door to having more children biologically, but my heart rejoices knowing He has another plan for the Tallman family. You don’t want to miss Jodie’s story!! Please leave her a special comment to support and bless her today!!)

Jeremiah 29:11

We always knew we wanted to adopt…

When Bryant and I were dating, we talked frequently about our “ideal” family plan: two biological kids and two adopted children…. as if life ever goes the way we plan? In 2008 we were blessed with a biological child. Her name is Kensington Grace and she is the biggest light of our lives!

Fast forward to August 18th, 2010. I woke up with extreme neck and head pain. As the days progressed my pain was unlike anything I had ever experienced. My vision started to become distorted and I could barely walk or talk. Long story short, I ended up in the ICU with a Vertebral Artery Dissection (“VAD”). A rare condition that affects 1 in 100,000 people a year! During the 6 months of recovery, I spent many weeks in a quite dark room all by myself. Everything that I once knew was taken away from me including holding and spending time with Kensington Grace. I did, however, have my life, precious family, friends and most importantly, I had God! Through the pain I cried out to God to heal me, to speak to me, and to rescue me from this situation. Although I spent about 12 weeks in extreme pain he did just that! Last year was the hardest year of my life, but hands down the most growing year to date. God also started to speak to Bryant during this time. We both felt that adoption might be something that God was bringing into the picture. We attended a few adoption meetings with open hearts and minds.

At this point we were very clueless about the entire adoption process and frankly we felt quite awkward and out-of-place.  We were very closed off to having an “open” adoption. (In “open” adoptions, the biological mother maintains some degree of communication with the adopted parents and biological child) You could say we were coming from a place of fear and lack of knowledge. We attended two meetings where the birth mothers came to share their stories.  We saw their heartache, their selflessness and now the peace that overflows from their heart. Knowing they chose to place their child with amazing adoptive parents was such a beautiful thing to see; unlike anything Bryant or I had ever experienced. As I wiped the tears from my eyes we looked at each other and took a deep breath and had the same feeling. This is our path!

This past summer we kept talking and praying about adoption. Even though we were both on the same page, I needed to have closure in my heart so I made an OB appointment. I went into it feeling open, but not expecting to have the reaction that I did. As I sat on the table discussing my recent VAD situation and complicated pregnancy with Kensington, I became really emotional. The Dr. just looked up with very kind eyes and said, “I’m sorry Jodie, this is not a good idea.” However, she wanted me to get a second opinion with a high risk Dr. I walked out of that office in tears. I was surprised at myself. Why was I heartbroken when I always wanted to adopt and felt that was something we were supposed to do? I immediately called Bryant and just couldn’t stop crying. What an amazing husband I have to continue to support me through this crazy journey we have been on this past year. He just reassured me that it’s all going to be okay and that he is so excited to adopt!! As I wiped the tears away I felt a peace come over me but it was a roller coaster of emotions for a while. About a month later we walked into that second appointment with the high risk Dr. and this time Bryant was with me. Before that appointment our prayer wasn’t, “God please let us become pregnant again,” it was more, “God please give us peace, give us closure, show us our path.”  He contacted a Neurologist and a vascular surgeon and they all basically agreed with what my OB said. “Jodie this is not a good idea.” The risk for stroke or death is just too high…. We had the closure we needed. I did not cry once during that appointment, but the second we walked out of that office I just melted in Bryant’s arms. All these thoughts were running through my mind.  I will never feel the kick of a baby in my belly again, Kensington will never look like her brother or sister, There will never be a little Bryant Tallman running around in this world, I will never breastfeed again.  Though I feel it’s unhealthy and ungrateful to let those thoughts take over, it was important for me to express how I was feeling.

The reality started to set in that I was never going to be pregnant again. I needed to get the maternity clothes out of the house for my own wellbeing.  So I pulled a couple of the cute outfits to save for my sister-in-law Meghan and my best friend Candice to wear someday. I posted things on craigslist and a sweet woman called and came over to try on my maternity clothes. My heart was feeling sad before she came over, but she ended being the nicest woman. It made my heart feel so joyful to know that someone sweet was wearing my maternity clothes.

Its been about 4 months since our final OB appointment. We don’t know what all the pieces are going to look like, but we are so thrilled with the opportunity to adopt. We trust that God is going to make this all happen through His provision! We are excited, a little scared but there is an overwhelming peace that God has something really special planned for our family. We are excited to share this journey with you. This is our heart.  

Bryant and Jodie Tallman

www.thisisourheart.com

Our Adoption Story is not complete. Maybe it never is! But so far here is a snippet of what God has been doing in our Adoption Journey.

I come from a family of adoption. My youngest brother is adopted and seeing that journey unfold was a POWERFUL indicator to me that my life would someday change again by adoption. My husband also comes from a family with adoption woven into their lives. His father is adopted and has even been able to have a relationship with his birth siblings. We know Kari and Roger really well and the first time I held Zoe I knew again that someday I’d be holding my own Zoe and that Jeremy and I would embark on some kind of Adoption Journey. So if you had asked me a few years ago if our journey would have looked like this I would have told you no. I ALWAYS thought we’d adopt internationally. Then as we began really praying about this and deciding if now was the time the only thing on my heart was a domestic adoption. When I approached my husband he just smiled and said “I’m SO glad you said that…I’ve been thinking the same thing”…whoa God…thanks for putting us on the same page…thanks for guarding our hearts and just melting them together for a common dream.

So without going into the entire story here are just a few things we’ve experienced on our journey so far.
1. Overwhelming blessing from both far away and close friends and family. The support we’ve received and excitement is just overwhelming.
2. God raising the support is amazing. I’m just touched that we can do so much with so little and how awesome it is to see funds and support come from places so unexpected. We are doing the Simply Love T-shirt Fundraiser and held a big Coffee/Dessert/Auction Fundraiser. It was SUCH A FUN NIGHT! It was overwhelming to watch people just pour in and their excitement was contagious. So many friends donated for the auction, helped decorate, baked, baked and baked and just showed up to bless us! It was amazing and we are BLESSED by the community we are in.
3. Seeing my marriage and Husband change. When you’re married you see each other as spouses…I adore him and I always will always have but I have fallen in more love with Him watching Him become a Dad even before our baby is here. It’s amazing…I married him because I knew someday he’d make a great Dad but seeing this growth and excitement just makes him more amazing everyday.
4. This journey can feel very lonely at times. Then a few Sundays ago at our awesome church the sermon was about adoption. It was about entangling our lives with others. A few church members got up and spoke about their adoption journeys. One family adopted domestically as well. I cried and cried the entire service…poor Jeremy…it was INCREDIBLE and just what I needed to hear that day. We got to meet this family after church and she talked about a community of people that try and get together quarterly for support and community. YAY!
5. If I was told to only share ONE thing I’ve learned it would be this. When you open your heart and let God make you vulnerable, emotional and expectant it’s amazing what will happen. Just my heart opening slightly has let all kinds of wonderful things in. People telling me their adoption stories…even one person telling me their story as the BIRTHMOM! Whoa people! That was HUGE! We sat and cried together about what a blessing this entire process is from BOTH points of view! That blessed my heart…she’s WONDERFUL and would have been a WONDERFUL mom but was so young. What a blessing she gave to her child who has now grown into a wonderful person.
6. I am God’s…I’ve always been His and I always will be. I’m marked for Him and HIS WORK. My future Child is God’s…always will be and always has been. Even though this child is not being knitted together in my womb God is there and He’s preparing this child for us. I believe it with all my heart. You are called to adopt…it’s a pressure on your heart you can’t escape. It’s not for everyone and that is ok but it’s for us and it is how we are going to grow our family and our legacy. It’s how we will be faithful.
7. God’s heart is ALL ABOUT ADOPTION! We are His adopted Children. Eph 1:5. We can be passionate and expectant because He is. I’m praying that scripture over our journey everyday. I love that I can ask God for these things and be expectant for these things b/c His passion is adoption.

So where are we now? Our Home study is complete and we are approved through the state of Kansas. We are now waiting for the call that says we’ve been chosen by a birth mom! That is another thing God is doing in my heart…giving me a huge HEART for these sweet birth moms. They are brave, obedient and God’s. As we’ve been praying for her and praying for this journey it just kind of hit me that we get to be apart of her journey. We’ve been praying this entire experience is something that changes her life for good. I know and the birth mom I’ve been able to get to know says how incredibly difficult it is. And so my prayers for her are already for healing and that somehow she finds peace in the Lord through all of this. I want God to use us in HER life. I have a hard time putting this into words I guess. It’s just something I know God is working on in my heart right now…what this will look like and I know He is going to lead us and show us what He wants from us. What an opportunity this journey is to be faithful and open to whatever God has for you!

Nothing about this journey seems easy…everything is a lot of work…the financial piece is scary and sometimes people look at you funny. But we PRESS on…we Press on knowing God completes the work he starts. I have days I doubt everything…I doubt myself…I doubt our bank account and everything in between. But I’m always reminded how Big GOD IS and how FAITHFUL He continues to be. It seems nothing worth it or nothing He asks of us is always easy. Jeremiah 29:11…everyone knows this verse and it’s true today. He knows the plans and they are good. It’s amazing to see an adoption complete isn’t it! To see these two lives, two plans mold together for His purpose and Glory. It’s easy to read those stories, love those kids and hope for that moment…it’s a lot harder to be in this moment waiting, fundraising and expecting…so we grab onto hope, hold someone’s hand and press on. We will all get there and I know Jeremy and I will be there soon. Holding our child, raising our child and being thankful we held onto hope.

Expectant is my word of the day! So even though our journey is not complete…and again I’m not sure it ever will be God is MOVING and WORKING and CHANGING us for the better. For Him as His adopted Children to do HIS work! Thank you for being prayer warriors, adoption lovers and supporters! This world is better because of this passion! Our pictures are from our fundraiser wearing our fundraising t-shirts! What a fun fundraiser, to watch people put on your dream and declare it for you! =)

Our blog…

www.brennemanboulevard.wordpress.com

But God has just blown my socks off. When I met my son seven weeks ago, he was scared to the point that he would often have long meltdowns when he felt overwhelmed. It was just a pure fear reaction to various circumstances. During these episodes, he completely checked out and couldn’t vocalize what was wrong or how I could help. He avoided even making eye contact with me and would push me away if I tried to hold him. I had no idea what the best way to handle this was, so I just followed my mommy heart and took him somewhere quiet and held him when he was ready to be held. When he calmed down, I told him I was so glad he felt better.

A few mornings ago he started to have a similar fit over something. I knelt down to his eye level and asked what was wrong. And for the first time, he looked at me and through tears said, “I want you to hold me, Mommy.” I picked him up. He stopped crying and within a couple of minutes he was giggling.

This is not because I’m such an amazing mommy that I’ve singlehandedly mended his heart. No way. This kind of healing in such a short time is beyond human abilities. It goes against everything textbooks and social workers say. He’s an older child, we broke birth order, heck, we even artificially twinned;Trust me, that was not at all our plan going into this. Nope, that was God’s perfect plan, not mine. I knew the moment He laid that on our hearts that;He would be faithful and that He could heal any hurt. And, boy, has he ever.

God’s heart is for orphans to become sons. And He lets imperfect people like me be a part of that. Mommies who sometimes let their kids watch too many cartoons or forget to pack a spoon in their lunchboxes. There was a time I thought He only wanted the really great moms to do this job. I was so wrong. He equips me (of all people!) to do this. Everyday I wake up, completely incapable of handling the day ahead. And everyday, He gives me just what I need to love these children He has loaned me.

Experiencing the healing that happens when an orphan becomes a son is worth every penny spent, every late night, every mile travelled, every piece of paper filled out, every phone call, every obstacle, every hard day. Being his mommy is one of the greatest things God has ever called me to. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

Guest Blogger: Lara the Farmer’s Wife Blog

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I am inadequate to write this post. I have thought over it, prayed over it, dreamed of sharing it, and cried over it, but I still come here not knowing what to write. In writing this story of my son, I so desire for all of the glory and credit to go to my great God. I pray that his fame is renowned, and that Jim and I, and even our precious brown eyed boy, would fade into the background. We are just supporting characters in this story – the starring role was long ago reserved for my God, my Savior. For this is ultimately and completely His story, and I hold it loosely knowing who really holds the pen. I could never fully tell all that God has done to orchestrate getting Jamesy into our family. There is no way that my finite mind can begin to even comprehend, in order to tell, the supernatural way that God joined our family together through this amazing, wonderful, painful, beautiful, humbling journey of adoption.

The heartbeat of My Crazy Adoption is you. I love waking up every morning reading your comments, stories, questions, and cheers! One of the unique aspects of my blog is that it reads like a magazine. I want to encourage readers to come on over and read a variety of topics related directly to mommyhood, orphan care, and adoption. My ultimate goal is to provide you the tools it takes to live James 1:27 in a radical way. I receive the most amazing emails [from you] sharing how a story or video inspired you to go on a mission trip, sponsor a child, and ultimately start the journey to adoption.

Throughout the year, I partner with organizations that I can collaborate with and make a difference in the life of an orphan. You have helped make every project a life-changing blessing to literally thousands of children and women in Africa and Haiti. You helped raise over $60,000 for donations and projects that Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. 1 Cor. 13:13

I need your adoption story.

Let’s end 2011 with a bang… I need your adoption stories to help inspire, support, and challenge one another to simply love. You can email me your story- edited, ready-to-post, with up to 3 photos (attached jpeg) to celebrate adoption at any chapter of the process. Include your blog link or contact information you want to share with readers…. twitter, facebook, etc. 

“As you abide in Christ, listen to His heart. It beats for lost people. Just as He died for the lost, He asks that we also die to our selfish ambitions and, with reckless abandon, share Him. Our Savior asks that we go to all who are lost.” The Live-Dead Journal

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 I’m so excited to introduce this amazing adoption family to my crazy blogger friends. I met them last year on my Ethiopia mission trip and visited their incredible orphanage! It’s an honor to share their story with you to celebrate Adoption Awareness Month! I pray their story inspires you and encourages you to live James 1:27 in a radical way.

Here is their story ….

First off, I need to say thank you to Kari for all the incredible work she does here on this Crazy Adoption Blog.  As a fellow blogger, I can assure you– this kind of work takes a lot of effort, and she does an amazing job!  I am honored to have this special platform today.  Thank you!

Our adoption story is more of a cautionary tale than simply a beautiful story about how one family grew. As I sit here, thinking through our journey, there’s a word I keep scribbling on the page, circling over and over: “wrecked.”

I’m amazed when I look back and realize that almost everything we once knew about who we were is no longer true. I’m even more amazed when I see how this strange, beautiful, tragic, ever-twisting journey my family is on can be traced back to a simple conversation nearly 6 years ago.

“Are you sure you’re ready to do this?”  I cautiously asked Jessie, as we sat on the couch one evening after our two kids were tucked in bed.

“I mean– really, really sure?” I asked again, searching her eyes for clues, wishing I could climb inside her head and know for myself what she was thinking.

“Yes,” She assured me confidently.  “I’m really sure”

I smiled and grabbed her hand, squeezing tightly. We were excited and hopeful, yet so far from grasping the reality of what we’d just agreed to do, and completely unable to see how different things would be once we journeyed down this road.

The next day, we walked through a squeaky door in the back corner of a small Sacramento office suite in an aging, green building on Howe Avenue and made our way to the receptionist desk.

“Hello, we’re Levi and Jessie Benkert. We called earlier about adoption,” I said, my voice  shaking as the words escaped my mouth.

“Great! Have a seat over there, and someone will be with you shortly,” the receptionist said in a cheery voice as she motioned us toward a frumpy, brown couch behind a small coffee table piled with heavily worn children’s books.

After we made our way across the room, I looked around at the faint crayon markings on the walls, the frayed carpet, while my fingers moved across a hole in the arm of the couch. Jessie smiled. There was something about this place, something about the way things resonated inside us: The rips and scratches spoke volumes. Each blemish was a sign of good work, of those who’d helped and offered hope.

“That is how I want to be!” I said to Jessie enthusiastically as we sat that evening on our own perfect and unblemished couch, talking late into the night about all we’d learned that day.  “I want our family to be a used-up tool for Him on this earth.”

“I’m so ready for more!”  Jessie said, nearly jumping from her seat with excitement.

The truth was, our house looked nothing like that office. Our lives were not at all worn-out examples of God’s love. In contrast, we were very comfortable. We had a beautiful house, two nice cars and a business that was making good money. Our lawn was cut, our neighborhood was safe, everything about our life was near-perfect.

Sure, we did the occasional good deed, gave to our church and served when and where we could.  But, now, we were feeling a prompting, a new horizon opening up, and we were both ready to move forward.  Although we understood little about what it was we were going to do, or where exactly we were headed, we began to ask God to change us, to use us.

It’s been nearly six years since that day. We no longer own a house. We make horrible money. We live in Ethiopia in a home on a street strewn with trash. Our savings is gone. Our lives are wrecked.

And we love it!

With each step into the world of orphans, into a world of terrible needs, we learned the joy of giving. We found a better life once we gave ours away.  At first we struggled to open our eyes, nearly blinded by the overwhelming needs. Then, we quickly closed them tight again, frustrated by our inability to change more than the lives of a few. However, over time, we’ve learned our responsibility is simple: to give to those God places in front of us and to constantly seek Him for what to do next.

In a way, it’s like entering a series of rooms, each filled with needs. At first, we feel overwhelmed, but we find, in the end, God always provides.  He takes us places for a reason. He shows us what to do. He bring us people to help.

I now firmly believe our calling as Christians is to show His love to those around us.   God is truly love!  And we are the way He shows His love to the world.

For our family, adoption was just the first step. It was the first room He wanted us to enter with eyes wide open. From there, He’s never stopped revealing needs and giving us the provision to meet those needs—one at a time.

Today, our family heads a project in Ethiopia called Bring Love In. In Addis Ababa, we’re building a program to take children from government orphanages, coupling them with widows. Together, they will become a new family, while we offer provision.

We are just a few weeks from getting final government approval for our project, and then we can open our doors to accept children into the homes– children who have been forgotten, abandoned and left alone in this world because their families, for one reason or another, could not take care of them.

All of this feels like a million miles from the life we once lived–as far as possible from who we were on this earth. Yet, we can, now, see this is what we were created for, this kind of wrecked life is what He always intended.

We may have little, but we’ve learned to love much!  We still fail. We still hurt, and at times we get frustrated with how little we’re able to accomplish, but we’re learning to trust Him with everything.  We’re beginning to grasp our calling: to help the poor and needy find light in the darkness. His light.

We didn’t plan to go down this path. But the journey of adoption has opened our eyes to the responsibility we have as Christians to constantly ask him for more responsibility, to daily ask him to reveal the needs that He put us here to meet, and in turn we found our lives ruined for the cause. And we’re grateful.

Will you join us?

You can read more about our journey as broken people trying to share the love of a perfect God in Ethiopia, failures, frustrations, and the occasional victory at www.bringlove.in

Levi Benkert