{Updated with Winner’s names!!} 

1. Congrats to Chante: “We have adopted a nine year old son from Haiti and a nine year old daughter from Ethiopia. We would love to have this book for our family!”
2. Congrats to Becky: “Our now 5 year old daughter, born in Ethiopia, has been home for 13 months. I would love to read this book, we have felt the effects of so many of the listed losses, feelings, etc.”

When we started our adoption process, a friend gave me the book by Sherri Eldridge. Honestly, it scared me to death! I tried to read a few pages, but it made me feel tense, weepy, and afraid.  I remember talking to Roger about my feelings and he encouraged me to wait until Zoie came home and read it when I felt more confidence with our new daughter. It really was the best advice for me … I think sometimes we can read so many books and helpful advice pre-adoption, it can cause a lot of stress. I’m not a professional, but an adoption coach/cheerleader/mom who has gone through the adoption process from start to finish.

Here is a great list (straight from the book) you can read and gain a sense of understanding about how your adoption son or daughter might be feeling. Zoie is only three years old, but I want to make sure we stay on top of her feelings and validate her unique needs. I’m confident that when challenges or issue surface with our adoption, Roger and I will have some great resources to help us through.

{Giveaway} Today only, I’m giving away 2 copies of the book for 2 special adoption families.  Leave a comment and share with me what country you adopted/or in process of adoption.  I will update this post with the winners names.

Special Mission News: Are you interested in going to Uganda & Kenya in October with Visiting Orphans- GREAT NEWS: We just found out that there is a BOGO sale on airfare for our October 12th to 24th Kenya/Uganda trip. You could save BIG (by $1K-the total trip cost now would be $2300 to $2500) and visit orphans at the same time! Sign up ASAP here:

1. I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. You are not responsible.

2. I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed.

3. If I don’t grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you and others will be hindered.

4. My unresolved grief may surface in anger toward you.

5. I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption and then validate them.

6. Just because I don’t talk about my birth family doesn’t mean I don’t think about them.

7. I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family

8. I need to know the truth about my conception, birth, and family history, no matter how painful the details my be.

9. I am afraid I was given away by my birth mother because I was a bad baby. I need you to help me dump my toxic shame.

10. I am afraid you will abandon me.

11. I may appear more whole than I actually am. I need your help to uncover the parts of myself that I keep hidden, so I can integrate all the elements of my identity.

12. I need to gain a sense of personal power.

13. Please don’t say I look or act just like you. I need you to acknowledge and celebrate our differences.

14. Let me be my own person but don’t let me cut myself off from you.

15. Please respect my privacy regarding my adoption. Don’t tell other people without my consent.

16. Birthdays may be difficult for me.

17. Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing at times.

18. I am afraid I will be too much for you to handle.

19. When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me, and respond wisely

20. Even if I decide to search for my birth family, I will always want you to be my parents.

Q- Are you dealing with any of the twenty things with your adopted child?  Will you share ….